“When Parker Met Guy†Page 4: His Foot Hurts
Friday, February 6th, 2009Not sure if anyone else will enjoy the subtle oddness of Donald and Jonah, but I like it! I also like that Daisy almost took a class on becoming a lesbian. Bring on the stupid comments!
February 6th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
haha!
February 6th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
I am first! haha!
February 6th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
Reminds me to my mother.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
funny… kinda. And I’m second!
February 6th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
Woo Hoo!!!
2nd…anyway, started reading this about a month back, im SO glad this update is here!!
February 6th, 2009 at 11:38 pm
Crazy Daisy, understatement anyone.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:41 pm
Jonah is a genius.
Landstradd:
Third actually. Fourth is you take into account the fact that drakfeld got all hoggy with the first and second spot. And look at poor Prilidian. You are trying to steal away his/her second status. Shame on you.
Oh. And Donald is a nerd. A nerd in a suit. A gullible nerd…. in a suit. He’ll probably be rich when he grows up for inventing something all tech-y.
Then Jonah will figure a way to take all his money.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:43 pm
DJ and Landstradd:
Both of you claim second status. I suggest gladiatorial combat. The winner gets to challenge Prilidian, who actually holds the ’second’ status.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:45 pm
Thanks for the art!
February 6th, 2009 at 11:52 pm
LET THE SHOW DOWN COMMENCE!!!!
February 7th, 2009 at 12:06 am
Is it just me or is Jonah a tiny adorable clone of Guy? I can’t wait to see Donald and Jonah as teenagers. I think I want to date Donald.
Also…3 cheers for Daisy, never letting us down. What a perfect thing to have come out of her mouth.
February 7th, 2009 at 2:12 am
It must be expensive to keep Donald supplied with suits… Growing and all.
February 7th, 2009 at 6:18 am
I’m just glad you’re still doing webcomics. I wouldn’t mind seeing more of ‘No Pink Ponies’ either.
February 7th, 2009 at 7:12 am
That’s adorable! Jonah’s so cute >w<
As for Daisy, that’s epic. XD
February 7th, 2009 at 7:37 am
The odd person is the mom a) for letting Jonah use his brother like that and b) the whole hospital thing. Maybe I’m biased, but as a former paramedic, I think of any number of things where the kid would need to go to the hospital, from a seizure to food poisoning from the last thing mom fed them.
The “I almost took a class for that once” bit is also ignorant. She’d have been better off if she had taken the class.
Is it obvious I really don’t like mom?
February 7th, 2009 at 10:02 am
@ Brie: Wow, Jonah really does look like an adorable little clone of Guy. Now my girly side is coming out because I really want to say “Aww, cute~!”
February 7th, 2009 at 10:07 am
Gladiatorial combat is, without any shadow of a doubt, the single most reasonable solution to so meaningless an item as a dispute over who posted before whom in a comment box. Jon Pander, you have my respect.
February 7th, 2009 at 11:02 am
And before anyone goes off on a “THIS IS SO UN-PC!” rant:
I think Daisy means Women’s Studies.
February 7th, 2009 at 11:32 am
So…yeah…great stuff as usual, but I have to admit. The whole Donald/Jonah thing creeped me out a little.
You have to expect that, though. What with Daisy for a mom and both being born on a Ferris wheel, by their uncle. (and…yeah…I know…not really)
What strikes me is that Parker is taking it in stride, and showing an actual practical side. “Let’s see. If I take them to the hospital, no money. No hospital, if required…dead.” “Wait! this one is injured already…”
The big question is, what happens after Mom leaves?
February 7th, 2009 at 11:53 am
THE BOYS ARE SO CUTE. *squees over at great length* I really like them and their quirky-ness.
Also, Daisy’s hair is slightly beyond awesome.
February 7th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
I thought maybe Daisy misunderstood and thought as Loreley said, Woman’s studies and mistaken her as a feminist or activist…
Jonah is absolutely adorable. I would carry him around myself if I could. XD
February 7th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Daisy was talking about a class that teaches women how to become lesbians. I’m sure it wasn’t taught in an actual school. She saw some strange advertisement somewhere for it and strongly considered it.
“The big question is, what happens after Mom leaves?”
A funny thing! See you next Friday!
February 7th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
…Those kids are adorable. And my favorite type of adorable, the sort that’s just plain quirky. I’m looking forward to seeing more of Donald and Jonah (as well as Guy whenever he shows up to finally have his first meeting with Parker).
February 7th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Anyone else find little boys in suits creepy.
February 7th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
I like this comic. Especially if I’m right in Daisy mistaking thespian and lesbian word meanings. Won’t matter, if I’m wrong, I’m wrong, and I still think it’s funny.
Okay, we know Parker wasn’t murdered, no scars when she’s bared skin in the original run. So the main question will be “Will the kids do anything to make Parker take them to the hospital?” Jonah reminds me of someone I knew who would want to be carried everywhere. Donald, it’s a little to early for me to judge what I feel about him.
All in all, definitely a good start to one of my favorite webcomic’s prequel.
February 7th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
lol daisy. and she reminds me of my sister in law… which is bad… very bad
February 7th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Surely there should be more rules, possibly ‘no structure damage’ or similar.
February 7th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
“I almost took a class for that once.”
Comedy GOLD.
And the last thing anybody here expected her to say.
February 7th, 2009 at 6:17 pm
Jonah looks kind of miffed in the last panel. Is it because Daisy ruined his scheme of being carried every where?
February 7th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
“Surely there should be more rules, possibly ‘no structure damage’ or similar.”
There should be, but look at Crazy Daisy, she has multiple tones of hair, none of which, I’m sure, is her natural colour, wearing sexily to go out when it’s dark at night when she’s a mom of two… I don’t think she worries much for structural damage being an obvious party mom herself…
February 7th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
I love how Parker totally wasn’t expecting Daisy’s response. This just reinforces my belief that she was going for shock value when she said that and now Daisy is either (a) turning it around on her, or (b) being perfectly straight about the world of lesbianism. Either way, it’s gold.
As for the kids….Jonah really does look like Guy, and Donald is definitely the most normal one of the bunch….which might not be saying much considering he’s a twelve year old walking around in a suit. As for the fules….I’m just gonna say she means like a broken foot or something serious, rather than a flu bug or something like that.
addendum — I just realized who Donald reminds me of….the kids in “Children of the Corn”. Creeee-py…..
February 7th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
A class??
February 7th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
I think that something will happen that requires medical assistance for which uncle Guy will be called upon to avoid a trip to the hospital… but that’s just me.
February 7th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
Hmm, I too think I almost took a class about that before.
Another Great…and late comic 
February 8th, 2009 at 12:02 am
Rob: “The “I almost took a class for that once†bit is also ignorant. She’d have been better off if she had taken the class.”
Yes, everyone knows you become a lesbian by getting bitten by another lesbian. Not from a class. Duh.
“Is it obvious I really don’t like mom?”
No isn’t. I think you’re bluffing.
Shamarock: “Gladiatorial combat is, without any shadow of a doubt, the single most reasonable solution to so meaningless an item as a dispute over who posted before whom in a comment box. Jon Pander, you have my respect.”
You are very wise and I salute you.
Zahooee: “The whole Donald/Jonah thing creeped me out a little.”
I just tried to get my brother to pick me up and carry me around, and he told me no. I even told him my foot hurt, but unfortunately he’s a doctor and he wanted to see the foot instead of offering to carry me around.
“What with Daisy for a mom and both being born on a Ferris wheel, by their uncle. (and…yeah…I know…not really)”
Are you implying this is not all based on a true story?
Bobby: “Daisy was talking about a class that teaches women how to become lesbians. I’m sure it wasn’t taught in an actual school.”
Please I beg of you – what sort of homework is given in a class like that?
““The big question is, what happens after Mom leaves?†A funny thing! See you next Friday!”
Dangit, can you tell me now instead? Just between the two of us? And everyone else reading the comments? We promise not to tell until next Friday.
Bill M.: “Okay, we know Parker wasn’t murdered, no scars when she’s bared skin in the original run.”
That proves nothing. She could have died and been brought back.
In fact I’m sure that’s the surprise twist to this story. Parker is a zombie. Probably a schaemiac. One that was really well preserved. Bet you didn’t see that one coming.
“Donald, it’s a little to early for me to judge what I feel about him.”
He’s a suit wearing nerd-o. Jonah’s the cool one.
NaklsonofNakkl Says: “Hmm, I too think I almost took a class about that before.”
Rowr.
February 8th, 2009 at 1:36 am
OH MY GOD! Someone stumped parker with a comment more crazy than her!
Thats enough for me to love Daisy right now… Although for some reason, I also fear her. She’s like an Italian brother in-law or something. Laughs and smiles then gives you a serious face and tells you that any harm that comes to his sister will be even less healthy for you.
February 8th, 2009 at 2:34 am
ah, the things we do for our siblings. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has willingly fallen for a not-exactly-skilled ‘manipulation’ by a younger brother or sister, just because there’s no reason not to indulge them.
February 8th, 2009 at 3:44 am
The more I think about it, the more Daisy is my own personal hero.
February 8th, 2009 at 6:03 am
“Bill M.: “Okay, we know Parker wasn’t murdered, no scars when she’s bared skin in the original run.â€
That proves nothing. She could have died and been brought back.
In fact I’m sure that’s the surprise twist to this story. Parker is a zombie. Probably a schaemiac. One that was really well preserved. Bet you didn’t see that one coming.”
She drinks blood!!! That’s the clue as to what she is!!! Now I get it!! Bobby, it’s cool, I’ll take the writing helm from here, I know your plan now, ha ha ha ha ha!!
February 8th, 2009 at 8:30 am
Daisy looks so damn insane there. Good job, Eisu.
February 8th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
huh? How can Guy be so tiny? I thought he and Parker were somewhat of the same age. Weird.
But it’s a good thing the comic finally updates again
February 8th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
@ Jon Pander
The timeline for becoming a schaemic, as set down in Last Blood is 40 years, give or take a few days. Guy delivered both of the two boys, and was only in his late 20s (or if I’m misremembering, early to mid 30s) in the original comic run, so Parker can’t be a schaemic.
Y’know, lesbian vampires are bound to miss out on the best source of blood from males, it’s the equivalent of a blood-filled twinkie for female zombies…
February 8th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Finally!!!!!!! New strip!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That makes sense, I thought someone else was getting the nanny…. jaja…
February 8th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
I love this page. ive been waiting for ever, but its great!
February 8th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
“huh? How can Guy be so tiny? I thought he and Parker were somewhat of the same age. Weird.”
Guy’s name is Guy… in this page itself, it was already mentioned that the carried one’s name is Jonah…
February 8th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Not only was it mentioned, but it was mentioned THREE TIMES that the carried one’s name is Jonah, just to absoutely make sure that there would be no confusion. Oh well, we are on Earth.
February 8th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
funny and creepy
February 8th, 2009 at 7:22 pm
Daisy’s expression in the 4th panel reminded me so much of the following it isn’t even funny (except it is, plus it’s awesome):
http://i42.tinypic.com/ic1xty.jpg
February 8th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
“And before anyone goes off on a “THIS IS SO UN-PC!†rant:
I think Daisy means Women’s Studies.”
What? No ranting?! BUT I NEED TO YELL AT PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET OR I’LL DIIIEEEEEEEE
February 9th, 2009 at 2:43 am
Uh… how do you take a class in THAT?
February 9th, 2009 at 3:01 am
Bill M.: “The timeline for becoming a schaemic, as set down in Last Blood is 40 years, give or take a few days.”
65 years I think. But it’s a moot point. Parker is so hyperactive that she could become a schaemiac in a couple of hours. Plus the lesbianism thing makes her a super duper schaemiac that drinks blood. I’m sorry Bobby for giving away the twist ending but now that Eisu knows, it’s all out of the bag.
“Guy delivered both of the two boys, and was only in his late 20s (or if I’m misremembering, early to mid 30s) in the original comic run, so Parker can’t be a schaemic.”
And once again people forget that Guy is a master of time travel. Shh.
“Y’know, lesbian vampires…”
rowr.
“…are bound to miss out on the best source of blood from males, it’s the equivalent of a blood-filled twinkie for female zombies…”
I’m not sure whether to be grossed out or turned on by that statement. On one hand, you said lesbian vampires. Whcih is… yknow… rowr.
But on the other hand you have alluded to sucking out blood from the penis. Which is totally non-rowr.
Peyhe: “How can Guy be so tiny? I thought he and Parker were somewhat of the same age. Weird.”
THat’s Jonah, not Guy.
to be honest I thought of making a long convoluted joke here but I have decided against it after my novel long comment earlier.
Eisu: “She drinks blood!!! That’s the clue as to what she is!!! Now I get it!! Bobby, it’s cool, I’ll take the writing helm from here, I know your plan now, ha ha ha ha ha!!”
Yay, we’ve turned the artist into someone as craz…er… enlightened as we are! Eisu knows the truth! about Parker! The day is ours! Huzzah! High Five, Eisu, Lay me some skin brotha! One of us! One of us! heeeheeeheee!
February 9th, 2009 at 11:20 am
That lady looks a little unstable…
February 9th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Re: Blood-filled twinkie
I speculate that, among circles of males who are regularly involved with female vampires, it becomes a competition – how long can you keep pumping blood in and maintain an erection while she’s taking it out?
February 9th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
Bartimaeus:
“Uh… how do you take a class in THAT?”
Don’t you know?! You call the number on the advertisement get an adress to the class and go down to the creepy person’s basement and- I’m just kidding. I have no idea. Although I did have a friend back in high school that said she new a girl that taught other girls how to properly behave and act like a lesbian thanks to some book she read… *shrugs* Maybe they are co-conspiring.
Jonah is still uberly cute no matter how many times I look at him. lol
February 9th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Gale: “That lady looks a little unstable…”
Crazy Daisy is as stable as any multi-colored hair lady who’s had 2 children at different times delivered on Ferris Wheels. Shh.
Ashley Vernon:
“Re: Blood-filled twinkie
I speculate that, among circles of males who are regularly involved with female vampires, it becomes a competition – how long can you keep pumping blood in and maintain an erection while she’s taking it out?”
This whole comments page has gone down a very disturbing route, for which I feel partially to blame. But I apologize for nothing!
February 9th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
But, but, Parker drinks blood AFTER becoming a zombie… so is she like a reverse schaemiac? Ooh, she’s the missing-link-cure-person! Ah ha! So THIS was how Addison Paine performed his research! Unsuspecting newly-transformed lesbian babysitter test subjects!
P.S. Jon Pander, I think I love you<3
February 9th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
Ha ha thats great. I’m thinking Daisy may have mistook lesbian for thespian. Anyways the kids remind me of my siblings.
February 10th, 2009 at 3:31 am
I just read through the whole thing. This was quite enjoyable and gave me a good laugh. The artwork is fantastic, the dialogue as well. And the story was a fun read. I look forward to reading more!
February 10th, 2009 at 4:26 am
lol new comic 2hrs after I was crying on the previous comments page, i seriously feel bad now
xD Especially for finding out days later (because i figured there’d be no update soon).
Kudos
February 10th, 2009 at 7:31 am
Jon Pander:
Thanks for the entertainment.
On the other hand…
“But on the other hand you have alluded to sucking out blood from the penis. Which is totally non-rowr.”
Come on, dude. You have no sense of adventure.
February 10th, 2009 at 9:51 am
Jonah looks like Guy for some reason…
February 10th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Well not getting paid is better than getting murdered. This story looks like it’s going to be full of laughs.
Looking forward to more.
February 10th, 2009 at 11:02 am
XD XD XD
Hm…I can just imagine class homework.
Week 1: Denounce all men and instead play with yourself.
Week 2: Find and flirt with as many woman as possible.
Week 3: Have a naked-showering-dripping wet make-out session with at LEAST one other woman. mmmmmm
And now, Jon, Jon, do not immediately disregard the possibility of sucking blood from the penis. Though I prefer the femoral artery myself XD
February 10th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Courtney: “But, but, Parker drinks blood AFTER becoming a zombie… so is she like a reverse schaemiac? Ooh, she’s the missing-link-cure-person!”
Shh you’re letting out too much secret information!
“Ah ha! So THIS was how Addison Paine performed his research!”
Oh that does it. Bobby’s gonna send some ninja assassins to getcha now for blowing the big surprise.
“Unsuspecting newly-transformed lesbian babysitter test subjects!”
I think that’s the first time that exact series of words have ever been used together in the history of civilization. Congratulations.
“P.S. Jon Pander, I think I love you<3″
You have excellent taste. Rowr.
Aesairas: “Anyways the kids remind me of my siblings.”
One’s a nerd loser and the other is a lovable genius slacker?
Cool.
Marzipan: “Jon Pander: Thanks for the entertainment.”
You’re ever so welcome.
“Come on, dude. You have no sense of adventure.”
When blood comes out of the penis, the trip to Great Adventure ends. Stop the ride, I wanna get off! Ow. Not rowr. Not rowr at all!
Alicia Says: “Hm…I can just imagine class homework.”
Rowr.
“Week 1: Denounce all men and instead play with yourself.”
ROWR!
“Week 2: Find and flirt with as many woman as possible.”
Oh god Rowr!
“Week 3: Have a naked-showering-dripping wet make-out session with at LEAST one other woman. mmmmmm”
Dear Penthouse…. I never thought it would happen to me but…
“And now, Jon, Jon, do not immediately disregard the possibility of sucking blood from the penis.”
Sorry. Combining the words blood and penis make me think too much of John and Lorena Bobbitt. Rowr, minus the r’s = ow.
Go back to talking about naked lesbian showering make out sessions. Pleeease.
February 10th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
lmao.. WHAT IS GOING ON, ON THIS THREAD?!
hahah I missed the regulars – Jon and Alicia!! <333 Hey Guys!
February 10th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
…. P.S.
Bloody Penises and Lesbian Showering make Out Sessions…?
I think this website is slowly becoming an X-Rated Story/Fetish Site..
In the words of the infamous Jon Pander… “Rowr”
February 10th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
lol…gotta love the rules for babysitters
February 10th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
hehe i adore the mom’s hair
and wow those kids are amazing hahahaha
Jonah is a genius
February 10th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
You do realize, don’t you, Pander, that the whole reason anyone is talking about blood, penises (is that even a word? I feel like it should be ‘penisi’ or something…) and lesbians in the same conversation is because of your “bitten by a lesbian” theory, right?
February 10th, 2009 at 7:04 pm
lol @ Courtney — Pander’s always good for a … different… conversation
February 10th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
@ Courtney: I looked it up. Penises is one of two correct versions of the plural for penis.
And yes, he probably does, but does that make this whole conversation less deviously awesome??
Still rocking the lesbo make-out session in the shower.
Rowr
Me included…
Double Rowr XD
@ Jenn–missed you too, though facebook and myspace helped XD
And what…this isn’t already a fetish site?? Oops… XD XD
February 10th, 2009 at 11:11 pm
I have a new hero and that hero is Jon Pander.
On another note love this comic. Can’t wait till the next update. =) Keep up the good work!
February 11th, 2009 at 1:06 am
LoL.
February 11th, 2009 at 7:02 am
Jenn: “lmao.. WHAT IS GOING ON, ON THIS THREAD?! ”
We’re finally getting these discussions on the right track, that’s what’s going on. Talking about the important stuff. Lesbian naked shower makeout sessions!
“hahah I missed the regulars – Jon and Alicia!! <333 Hey Guys!”
Hey!
Wait… I’m ‘regular’? If I’m regular I hate to see what unusual is.
“I think this website is slowly becoming an X-Rated Story/Fetish Site..”
Welcome to the internet.
“In the words of the infamous Jon Pander… “Rowr—
Technically for you it should be ‘Rowr ™’ but I’ll let it slide.
“Courtney — Pander’s always good for a … different… conversation”
I is special.
Courtney: “You do realize, don’t you, Pander, that the whole reason anyone is talking about blood, penises (is that even a word? I feel like it should be ‘penisi’ or something…) and lesbians in the same conversation is because of your “bitten by a lesbian†theory, right?”
1) I categorically refuse to accept responsibility for something as un-rowr as ‘bloody penises’ (penii?) just because I brought up the wonderful and utterly ‘rowr’ topic of the lesbian/vampire connection.
2) I categorically refuse to accept responsibility on the grounds that I am categorically irresponsible.
3) It’s not a theory. It’s fact. I read it on the internet somewhere.
4) Less talk about bloody penises, more about lesbian makeout shower sessions. Do as I say – I have additional devoted followers now like Hayden.
Alicia: “I looked it up. Penises is one of two correct versions of the plural for penis.”
Who says the internet is not educational?
“Still rocking the lesbo make-out session in the shower.”
Rock on.
“Rowr”
(tm)
Hayden Chase: “I have a new hero and that hero is Jon Pander.”
Welcome to the dark side. We have pie.
February 11th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
looking at her boys.. i’m pretty sure her natural hair color might be an ashy blonde or light brown.. it would explain how easily the colors show up in her hair
February 11th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
LOL!! a class on lesbianism?! XD
and Jonah looks SOOO much like a girl XD
February 11th, 2009 at 8:26 pm
Mmmmm pie lol
February 11th, 2009 at 10:21 pm
I laughed. And then I read the comments and laughed more.
And then I managed just enough care to leave a comment somewhere for the second time ever.
I blame John.
February 12th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Judas: “I blame John.”
Have some pie!
1) Whew, at least I’m not being blamed, just this ‘John’ person!
2) Someone named Judas blaming someone else. For some reason I find it hilarious
February 12th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Do I get pie, Pander? What kind of pie is it?
February 12th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
My wife has pointed out that I misspelled your name. Let this be a lesson to all. Being awake and sober is essential for properly doing whatever it is you intend to do. Otherwise it gets done wrong more often than not. Cheers. And thanks for the pie.
February 13th, 2009 at 12:51 am
subtle.
lol
February 13th, 2009 at 1:27 am
Courtney: “Do I get pie, Pander?”
Depends on if you either 1) proclaim me your new hero and saviour, or 2) if you mention something along the lines of naked lesbian make out shower scenes.
“What kind of pie is it?”
Cherry pie.
Cool drink of water – what a sweet surprise.
Tastes so good, makes a grown man cry.
Sweet cherry pie.
Judas: “My wife has pointed out that I misspelled your name.”
Yes – shame on you.
“Let this be a lesson to all. Being awake and sober is essential for properly doing whatever it is you intend to do.”
Woah now, lets not start talking crazy talk here.
“And thanks for the pie.”
No problem – I can use all the followers I can get for when my master plan begins.
No, you are not allowed to know what the master plan is yet.
No, I will not tell you when you will be allowed to know what the master plan is.
February 13th, 2009 at 1:35 am
Nobody seems to be bringing up that a straight vampire female would be missing out on several day’s worth of sustenance without having to bite at all.
February 13th, 2009 at 1:56 am
I thought the master plan was always to find and party with the lesbian vampires. Or the women studing to be lesbians. You folks are being awfully limiting. What happened to making out with other women in saunas? At the beach? On ferris wheels while babies are being delivered? Hot lesbian action should not be limited to just showers.
February 13th, 2009 at 1:58 am
But Pander, You HAVE to tell us otherwise we won’t know when the plan comes…
Is the master plan:
a) a zombie outbreak
b) a lesbian vampire shower make-out orgy
c) non-existent?
lol
If it’s a zombie outbreak can I help?!!? I’m totally majoring biochemical engineering!
February 13th, 2009 at 5:21 am
I really like this page.
February 13th, 2009 at 8:15 am
Oh, Jon; you do like to pander to the crowds, don’t you?
February 13th, 2009 at 9:00 am
I really hate all you douchebags that feel you need to post:
*first*
*second*
*third*
*fourth*
*fifth*
Please, go jump a bridge you retarded wastes of space.
February 13th, 2009 at 9:00 am
And YOU moderator SHOULDNT ALLOW THAT CRAP TO PASS.
February 13th, 2009 at 11:41 am
1) Jon Pander, you are wicked awesomeness in a can. You are my herio. With an “i” yes.
2) My lesbian best friend (who also requests pie) is working on a lesbian coven for you.
I’m terribly sorry, but our lesbian shower makeout scenes are partially clothed. Is that all right?
February 13th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Courtney: “1) Jon Pander, you are wicked awesomeness in a can.”
Yes. Yes I am.
“My lesbian best friend (who also requests pie)”
She’s got it. The Dark side welcomes all open minded bi/lesbians.
” is working on a lesbian coven for you.”
Rowr.
“I’m terribly sorry, but our lesbian shower makeout scenes are partially clothed. Is that all right?”
Depends on which clothes are still worn, and of course the hotness level of the lesbians. THere’s an equation I’m working on which will explain the entire ‘clothes to nudity ratio’ in a lesbian/bi shower formula. My problem with the forumula is that the hotness factor (H) normally should be inversely proportional to the shower factor, but the ’sexy clothes’ (Sh) and Seethrough when wet clothes (SWC) factors are a stumping block for me, since they cna sometimes be nearly equal to the sum of N (nudity).
I’m bringing in Steven Hawkings to help me with the equation, but since he’s paralyzed and all, he doesn’t really ‘get’ the importance of this formula for mankind.
And by mankind, I mean me.
February 13th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Jon Pander, I love you. You made my day.
February 13th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Hahaha! Daisy makes me laugh. :3 She almost took a class, oh gee.
February 14th, 2009 at 12:33 am
I speak no crazy talk. I said awake and sober to do things properly. It’s far more fun to do them stone drunk. Like B movies and bad tv shows. Whiskey makes them all so much better. Makes playing games a lot harder though. I suck at drunk Halo.
February 14th, 2009 at 12:43 am
Judas,
You think drunk Halo is tough; you should try drunk Wii and Wii Fit.
February 14th, 2009 at 8:50 am
Hm. I really wonder if it’s hard for Daisy to find clothes that match her hair…
And yeah, that’s the best I can come up with after the lesbian vampire shower makeout session comments. ^_^
February 14th, 2009 at 11:20 am
Why have the recent updates been so late? Dreamless is updating on time, but No Pink Ponies isn’t, so I’m thinking it’s Eisu’s fault.
February 14th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
My fault entirely. Still haven’t even written Page 5 (I better within six hours or so finally). “Dreamless” is on time because I’ve gotten the artist the scripts earlier because it’s the early going and it’s more important to not miss updates, but even then I haven’t done those nearly early enough. I write a couple other comics too, and one of those, “Last Blood,” has been much more late than “Marry Me” so far this year.
February 14th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
It’s nice to have an explanation for the late/lack of updates, Bobby. Don’t overextend yourself!
February 14th, 2009 at 8:50 pm
Drunk Wii… I’ll have to try that sometime. Don’t yet own a Wii Fit. Probably a good thing.
February 15th, 2009 at 2:00 am
My dad Drunk Wiifit the first day we got it. His posture sucked and he kept wobbling. It’s was hilarious to watch him try to do the games.
February 15th, 2009 at 5:29 am
ditaykan: “Nobody seems to be bringing up that a straight vampire female would be missing out on several day’s worth of sustenance without having to bite at all.”
Menstruation joke. Ew.
CC: “I thought the master plan was always to find and party with the lesbian vampires.”
That’s more of a general goal of life than a master plan, technocally.
“Or the women studing to be lesbians.”
Only the hot, open minded ones.
“What happened to making out with other women in saunas? At the beach? On ferris wheels while babies are being delivered? Hot lesbian action should not be limited to just showers.”
You are correct. Hot lesbian action can be enjoyed in all aspects of life, but there’s just something in particular about the shower scene that gives it an extra rowr.
Sebine: “I really hate all you douchebags that feel you need to post:
*first*
*second*
*third*
*fourth*
*fifth*”
One hundred and third! WOO!
“Please, go jump a bridge you retarded wastes of space.”
PMS?
“And YOU moderator SHOULDNT ALLOW THAT CRAP TO PASS.”
Bobby, don’t take her personally. I think it’s PMS.
103! WOO!
depre: “Jon Pander, I love you.”
If you’re a man, the correct term is that you idolize my awesomeness.
If you’re a woman, you can mail your valentine card to me at .
If you’re a hot woman, rowr.
Judas: “I speak no crazy talk.”
Except for the whole ‘there are things that shouldn’t be done when drunk’ crazy talk.
“I said awake and sober to do things properly. It’s far more fun to do them stone drunk.”
The fun way -is- the proper way.
“Like B movies and bad tv shows.”
Flash Gordon. Woo!
“Whiskey makes them all so much better.”
Watching the battle with the hawkmen vs Ming’s forces while drunk. Woo!
“Makes playing games a lot harder though. I suck at drunk Halo.”
I suck at sober Halo.
Ellie: “And yeah, that’s the best I can come up with after the lesbian vampire shower makeout session comments. ^_^”
I apologize for setting the bar too high.
Anon: “Why have the recent updates been so late? Dreamless is updating on time, but No Pink Ponies isn’t, so I’m thinking it’s Eisu’s fault.”
Don’t blame Eisu – we just changed his entire worldview regarding the true nature of Parker. It’s a lot to take in.
Rae Funk: “It’s nice to have an explanation for the late/lack of updates, Bobby. Don’t overextend yourself!”
I’d much prefer Bobby to explain his views on the whole ‘naked lesbian shower scene debate going on on the comments page. The public wants to know.
Sydney: “My dad Drunk Wiifit the first day we got it. His posture sucked and he kept wobbling. It’s was hilarious to watch him try to do the games.”
Good times!
Ah, dysfunctional family fun!
Personally I think the makers of Nintendo finally went insane when they invented the Wii Fit. They need to invent something more useful, like hte Wii Cook or the Wii Sex. Because we can all use a wii little bit of extra sex.
February 15th, 2009 at 5:30 am
Hrm did I get everyone in the last comment? Yes… yes I think I did.
February 15th, 2009 at 9:25 am
I love her hair sooo much @____@
February 15th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
105th! Woo!
February 15th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Jon Pander-
I agree with Courtney. I think I love you <33 I predict that you’ll soon have a harem. Now you just have to find one lesbian vampire to turn all of us and a shower big enough for everyone to fit in.
February 15th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
“I apologize for setting the bar too high.”
Nah, it’s cool, I mean we ALL can’t be super geniuses like you Jon =]
February 15th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
Touche Jon. And a fine life goal it is.
February 15th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
Bobby Crosby says: “My fault entirely. Still haven’t even written Page 5 ”
Ya know what??
You can ban me if you want.. but
W
T
F????
You get a possible MOVIE DEAL and the comic quits updating..
You actually FINISH A STORY, promise more to keep the fans coming back.. AND THE COMIC STOPS UPDATING..
I don’t know you.
I don’t know the behind-the-scenes goings on.
I haven’t created ANYTHING that’s gotten on comic genesis, let alone KEENSPOT..
But from looking on the outside, the common theme here is *YOU* not doing your job… Is there something we, as out of the loop as we are, aren’t hearing about?? Is there a day job that’s stealing your time? Is there a sick relative that is requiring your time?
It’s been my experience that there is always two sides to a story, and the likely villan isn’t always as black and white as people would think. But…
WTF??
As far as I can gather, you make your living making comics. You’ve admitted to NOT getting “around” to making the Last Blood screenplay.. A financial windfall whether they use the script or not… and apparently the holdup is YOU…
Please..
Throw us a bone.
Let us know what is going on.
My words aren’t intended to be a veiled “give us free comics NOW you slave!!” rant. I’ve been a supporter of the webcomic community for years and plan on spending my money and time here for years to come. It just really looks like you aren’t giving much of a damn about the fans of this GREAT WORK, and can’t be bothered with piddly things like promised deadlines…
If the comic is going bi-weekly, okay.. Monthly.. DAMN.. but okay.. Just .. pretty please… talk to us.. what the hell is going on??
February 15th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
first off, i love this webcomic. it’s damn good.
secondly, crazy internets people GO!!
thirdly, and thus, lastly, i believe i have figured out the equation Jon! ok, here it is.
we have H to equal hotness factor, being the variable on the left side ( or right if you come from the southern hemisphere. i think that is how math works anyway….)
then, the other variables are :
S for shower ( this includes multiple shower heads)
St for steaminess ( where a little steam is a 4, a mediocre amount is a 7, and too much is a 0)
Sh for sexy clothes ( fishnet, etc.)
N for nudity (duh)
and Swc for see-through when wet clothes.
of course, all values are up to the beholder. but, everything is out of ten, so we don’t have some inordinately high amount of hotness.
so, it should look a little like this when properly set up.
H={(1[S]+1[St])*(2[Sh]+3[Swc])+1(N)}/10
easy as the pie you were referring to earlier. I call it Big Josh’s Theory of Shower Hotness. coming soon, why women find yaoi “neat”.
February 15th, 2009 at 8:32 pm
crazeyal
Get the fuck out. No one wants to hear your pathetic whining and bitching. Seriously. Things happen, and just like you said, there are more than one side to every story, but you kept contradicting yourself in your comment. For christ’s sake, just shut up and enjoy the fucking good comic.
I <3 Bobby, that’s all there is to it. I <3 Eisu, and that’s all there is to that, too.
Leave them alone. Or get the fuck out. Why even waste your time if you knew that you would probably get banned? Stupid bitch.
February 15th, 2009 at 8:44 pm
“You get a possible MOVIE DEAL and the comic quits updating.”
Zero movie deals for “Marry Me” so far.
“Is there something we, as out of the loop as we are, aren’t hearing about?? Is there a day job that’s stealing your time? Is there a sick relative that is requiring your time?”
So weird how the reaction of most people is that they’re amazed I have any time to do anything with writing four comics and yet then we get the total opposite end of the spectrum with you (and others). Both are stupid, but yours is stupider. The normal reaction should be exactly inbetween them, which should be to not give a shit either way and to just think that it’s totally normal what I’m doing and that it doesn’t matter what my reasons are for the amount of writing I do, because who knows, who cares, million possible things, and maybe I write really fast (the people who are stupidly amazed that I do so much) or maybe I write really slow (crazeyal and his stupid friends) or maybe blah blah blah who gives a shit.
“You’ve admitted to NOT getting ‘around’ to making the Last Blood screenplay.”
What the fuck. You know this much about things I’ve said in comments and yet you chose to ignore all the times that I said I hate writing AND that I’m super lazy and all that? Also, why would you possibly be complaining NOW, as opposed to during the SIX MONTHS that I recently wrote almost NOTHING, including zero graphic novel pages. (All I wrote was some “+EV” strips, and hardly any of those.)
“A financial windfall whether they use the script or not… and apparently the holdup is YOU.”
No clue what you’re talking about. There’s been zero financial windfall so far for any movie stuff and you’re making it sound as if I should be writing the screenplay. Did you miss the part from seven months ago where they attached someone else to write the screenplay? Also, why in the world would a financial windfall from a “Last Blood” movie deal make me want to write more “Marry Me” or more anything??? The MM graphic novel is done and new comic pages will not help it get a movie deal in any way. Same for LB obviously. NOT the same for “Dreamless,” though, and that hasn’t missed an update yet — seventh page just went up, six weeks after the first page. “+EV” also hasn’t missed an update this year, 7-for-7.
The answer to your overall question is complicated and it’s not entirely my fault in every case, but the quick/easy answer is that I hate writing and I’m lazy and I don’t have much inspiration to write MM or LB at the moment, and a good deal of the reason for why I don’t have the inspiration is because of reading comments like yours, from the “fans,” who say things like this:
“But from looking on the outside, the common theme here is *YOU* not doing your job”
What’s your fucking point? Who cares??? It’s totally free and I’ve written almost 400 pages of comics in the past two and a half years. I could have done a ton more, but oh well, I haven’t — so what, what’s it to you? The whole point of your post is basically just trying to make me feel bad. I can’t see any other explanation. I know that you’re thinking “No, I just wanted to know WHY,” but as I’ve tried to say: #1 — I’ve said thousands of times that I hate writing and that I’m lazy. #2 — Who the fuck cares why? Why are you so damn interested in the details of my life and how would it help you in any way to know? Why are you so concerned that you’re saying “WTF???” multiple times?
“It just really looks like you aren’t giving much of a damn about the fans of this GREAT WORK . . .”
Yeah, because there’s too many like you, and tons who are a LOT worse (you should see all the deleted comments, and that’s saying something, because I allow more bad posts to go up than the vast majority of comics do, but some are just sickening).
“can’t be bothered with piddly things like promised deadlines…”
I’ve never in any way “promised” to update comics at certain times and you have an extremely bad definition of “promise” if you think anything I’ve said or posted about the update schedule counts as one.
“If the comic is going bi-weekly, okay.. Monthly.. DAMN.. but okay.. Just .. pretty please… talk to us.. what the hell is going on??”
Were you not around when this site said it was “UPDATING EVERY HOUR” under the title up there? It said that for over a year, I think, because of morons like you. Just DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT, jeez. So annoying. And no, you’re not allowed to think “What??? What’s annoying is you not keeping to your set update schedule!” Fuck you! Stop caring so much about such a pointless free thing! As I’ve said many times recently in response to people like you (some of these responses on other sites, I’m sure), having the set weekly update schedule posted helps inspire me to write more, gets me thinking about it more. It obviously doesn’t work 100%, but having it posted like that results in many more/faster updates than if it wasn’t there. There are a million ways for any reader of my comics to fairly quickly learn that the posted schedule is not always followed. Once you’ve learned that (which you learned ages ago apparently), why let it eat at you and make you post long rants saying “WTF???” over and over again? What the hell’s so tough about just accepting it? As I’ve said many times, visit the site once a year, or NEVER, if it bothers you so much.
Also, I just checked and you’ve made five comments total on this site and all of them have been about the update schedule, all of them complaining about it except this strange exception –
http://marryme.keenspot.com/main/2009/01/16/when-parker-met-guy-page-3-babysitter/#comment-94200
Very confused at how you go from that to your latest comment, which was also your next comment. You might be crazier than Elanor’s mother in “Dreamless” (very minor spoiler for “Dreamless”).
Also, to the people who will inevitably say “If you hate writing, why the hell are you doing it???”: I’ve been asked that somewhere around a trillion times in the comments for these sites and the short answer is that writing comics is the best/easiest way to sell ideas to Hollywood, which would help me on multiple levels with my ultimate goal of directing movies (I’m so original). I’d also like to write those movies (based on my trillion ideas), but probably in a co-writing capacity, and I’d have a ton more inspiration to write if I knew that I was definitely going to be directing the film. (I’m not only talking about big studio films — also referring to small budget movies I could make/fund myself, which “financial windfall” movie deals can help with.)
February 15th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
That’s a good Mother there. I love her hair so much!
February 15th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Y’know, if you really need something to read that bad, look through the comments. Jon Pander and Ephialtes are giving a rather interesting math presentation, as well as Jon’s interesting comments in general. As for bobby, thanks for keeping us up to date. The last thing your REAL fans need is to worry about the well-being of you or anyone else important to the comic. (don’t call me paranoid. Rich Burlew from Giant In the Playground sprained his wrist once, prompting a major comic drought. When freak incidents like that occur, fans have to band together and show their support the most.
February 15th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
CI: “I agree with Courtney. I think I love you <33 I predict that you’ll soon have a harem.”
Bobby, thank you for providing this comments forum. So. Freaking. Much.
“Now you just have to find one lesbian vampire to turn all of us and a shower big enough for everyone to fit in.”
So…. freaking…much, Bobby.
Ellie: “Nah, it’s cool, I mean we ALL can’t be super geniuses like you Jon =]”
This is true.
Ephialtes: “thirdly, and thus, lastly, i believe i have figured out the equation Jon! ok, here it is. ”
I’m on pins and needles.
“we have H to equal hotness factor, being the variable on the left side ( or right if you come from the southern hemisphere. i think that is how math works anyway….)”
You’re on solid ground so far. Then again I went into law because I can’t do math either.
“of course, all values are up to the beholder. but, everything is out of ten, so we don’t have some inordinately high amount of hotness.”
I tend to use a upper limit of hotness known as Planck’s Constant of Hotness, but so far your findings are sound. Carry on…
“H={(1[S]+1[St])*(2[Sh]+3[Swc])+1(N)}/10″
Inasmuch as other people justifiably worship me as a hero, I think you may have earned my respsect, and thus the respect of my many minions, with this equation. Good show.
“why women find yaoi “neatâ€.”
Because women like to screw with the male brain. it’s the same reason all groups of women must have at least one gay man to talk to. It’s called the Sex in the City Constant.
Invulove Says:
“No one wants to hear your pathetic whining and bitching.”
Um, I like hearing his pathetic whining and btching. It amuses me when fanboys go nuts over nothing.
“Seriously.”
Oh wait, I didnt realize you wanted me to be serious. Carry on.
“Things happen, and just like you said, there are more than one side to every story, but you kept contradicting yourself in your comment.”
He did write down that his name is crazyeval. So he’s not contradicting himself on being crazy at least. Gotta give him that.
I <3 Bobby, that’s all there is to it. I <3 Eisu, and that’s all there is to that, too.
Leave them alone. Or get the fuck out. Why even waste your time if you knew that you would probably get banned? Stupid bitch.
Bobby:
And you know me – I’m allllll about the comments.
I was all set to write a 15 page response to everything said by crazyeval, as I am wont to do. I don’t personally mind when there are periods of not updating. Some of the best comment wars are during those periods
“why let it eat at you and make you post long rants saying “WTF???†over and over again?”
He’s trying to sound all deep and witty by using internet slang over and over again, in order to garner some sort of deep emotional response from the unwashed masses. No emotional response has, thus yet, been forthcoming.
crazyeval: “If the comic is going bi-weekly, okay.. Monthly.. DAMN.. but okay.. ”
Bobby’s told me personally that he plans on making the comic a once every four year webcomic. Yes – a leapyear comic. One friday every 4 years. But he said that he might occasionally get ahead of schedule. So if you ever see an update, do not gripe – commend him for being ahead of schedule. Kudos Bobby! You rock.
“Just .. pretty please… ”
That’ll definitely make Bobby change how he does things. Saying pretty please in between repeating WTF and saying he isn’t doing his job… over and over and over again.
“talk to us.. ”
He did talk to you. He told you you’re crazy. then again your name is crazyeval so I guess you’re being true to yourself.
“what the hell is going on??â€
Sort of what I was thinking when I read your comment.
February 15th, 2009 at 9:47 pm
115th! Woo!
…
I’m just doing this to annoy Sebine. Hehe.
February 15th, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Invulove: “I <3 Bobby, that’s all there is to it. I <3 Eisu, and that’s all there is to that, too.
Just want to make it clear this was written by invulove, not me.
And by the way, she <3’s me too, I’m sure.
“Leave them alone. Or get the fuck out. Why even waste your time if you knew that you would probably get banned? Stupid bitch.”
This was also written by invulove, not me.
I don’t think he did get banned. Bobby must have a soft spot for the clinically insane. Bobby, you ol’ softy.
February 15th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
Internet stupidity strikes again! At least once in a while it provides a great source of entertainment. The rest of the time it just makes me wonder how long I can handle internet stupidity and the stupidity of people in real life before I snap and start cleansing the local gene pool. Either way, this time it was good for a laugh. And don’t worry Bobby, I understand that our government is diligently working on the internet ‘bitch slap’ feature, wherein all a moderator must do is press a button and your displeasure shall be manifest via a smack upside the offender’s head.
February 15th, 2009 at 11:54 pm
… I f**king love you Jon Pander.
And for anyone whining about the comic latest, relax. It’s free >.>
February 15th, 2009 at 11:55 pm
dear lord I can’t spell. Late-ness. Of course many are whining about other things, but that one urks me the most.
February 16th, 2009 at 1:22 am
First of all – great page. The boys are sooo cute! :3 And Daisy? She’s gold – pure gold.
For all those out there who feel some sort of urge to rant about how unprofessional this webcomic is in its updates – please don’t. We’ve heard it all before – but if you are actually after being banned or a nice long ’screw you’ rant from Bobby – well we can’t stop you. But seriously, there are other awesome comics out there that update on time – I enjoy the irregularity of MM – I never know when i’m in for a nice surprise.
And besides, there are always that comments – you guys make my day! I love you guys!
And I felt compelled by his awesomness to say Jon Pander – there are no words to truly some up your awesomeness. MM comments would be missing that something great without you.
And in finishing – this page’s comments – Rowr!
February 16th, 2009 at 3:27 am
…
… o O (so does his mean i’m the arch nemesis of crazyeval?)
i have the plans for the shower jon.
accommodates 150.
you’ll have to pay me for them in lesbian vampires; the plans will cost you 5 of them.. i’ll have my own shower big enough to handle that many by the time they arrive.
do make sure they play nice with others though. i want to bring live ones in the shower too.
February 16th, 2009 at 6:01 am
Well.. The beginning of the comic has def potential for a movie, bobby… but when you have everyone fly off to Africa the story spirals into what I would call “huh?” The first part where Stasia marries Guy to the point where the father is on the plane, it’s realistic and I ate it up… but after the Africa thing… the story lost its touch. Especially Parker being able to run through the desert with only a cup of blood to keep her going.
Yeah, I’m a critic, sorry for the tough love… but maybe if you reworked the “going to Africa adventure time!” sequence, directors would start biting… as of now the story sounds like it would need a high budget to even be produced… which isn’t that appealing when the story is either a hit or miss.
Good luck writing the Parker sequence and don’t get too upset over my remark, I tried my best not to sound like an epic flame but more like constructive criticism… hope it worked…. :\
February 16th, 2009 at 9:20 am
Jesus, Pander, you’re into yourself. Don’t you have a job or something?
February 16th, 2009 at 9:26 am
Jon Pander: Yes. I am a woman. I am an awesomely hot gothic bi-sexual open minded European 20yo chick. And I still love you for your awesomeness and awesome comments. Sry, no Valentine’s cards for you, ’cause that’s not awesome at all ;P
February 16th, 2009 at 9:48 am
Bobby, I know you take ideas for strips of +EV, so if you’re stuck with Marry Me, I’m sure all these fans can come up with plenty of ideas for you to consider. Or maybe you can get some personal friends to help with the writing. Maybe you can give Eisu a crack at it. His comic No Pink Ponies is quite entertaining, and similar in style to Marry Me.
February 16th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Hm. I wonder if it’s too late to join the Jon Pander fanclub…:D
February 16th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
I think Bobby need’s chocolate… lots and lots of chocolate.
I can’t say anything that anyone hasn’t already said about the people bitching about updates; but I’m going to try anyway.
Its just sad to watch (well read), be happy with what you get and that you were given something – something free- by two people who are very talented in what they do. Even with the lack of updates it still keeps people coming back and waiting for more or going over and re-reading what has already been done, or better yet even purchasing the comic and supporting the writer and artist. They are obviously doing something right and from the number of people who comment (and the many I’m sure who don’t) are not losing any of the fan-base. There are plenty of other webcomics on the internet, not nearly as many with as good a quality.
So quit your bitchin’ and do what the rest of us do; go away for a week, come back see if there is an update – lather, rinse, repeat.
On a side note – Jon I will not join your harem of women. However if I can wear a dominatrix outfit and deal with security for your fan club, maybe we can work something out. Oh…and I better get a whip.
February 16th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
I just come here once a week to see if there’s a new comic page… If not, that’s fine.
Never complained about free stuff anyway… I have other things to do also…
Keep up the excelent work =)
February 16th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
So I’ve been thinking about the whole Lesbian vampire shower make out scene. And I was curious if the shower heads were those ones that were the hoses and were moveable. (If you know what I man I can’t remember what they’re called at the moment.) Because I watched 40 year old virgin again rescently and theres a scene in that where a girl…. you know lol with it and I was just wondering f that would add or take away from the hotness level for you equation. You know just tryingto help cover all the variables if you haven’t already thought of that. =3 and if its already been covered sorry. D:
February 16th, 2009 at 10:43 pm
I can’t wait until it’s made into a movie! But be honest with us, and be honest with yourselves: say you’ll update every other week.
February 16th, 2009 at 11:23 pm
depre, your comment nearly made me faint. The “I am an awesomely hot gothic bi-sexual open minded European 20yo chick.” I’m perverted and got weird ideas so no minding me. Love the confidence though. I need more lezzy or bisexual girls here in the bible belt of America. blah. >.> Wouldn’t mind Jon and his harem of woman here either. Mwhahaha
February 17th, 2009 at 1:16 am
Wow somebody turned the crazy up in here.
Pander says:
“why women find yaoi “neatâ€.â€
Because women like to screw with the male brain. it’s the same reason all groups of women must have at least one gay man to talk to. It’s called the Sex in the City Constant.
Not true. We find yaoi “neat” because, like Lesbian Porn for straight men, it’s porn efficient. More hot naked sexing for your buck. The fact that it screws with the male brain is a bonus.
February 17th, 2009 at 11:44 am
CC I totally agree… and that’s really all I have to say.
February 17th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
lilithoria: The “going to africa” part was where I think it really got good. I didn’t much appreciate the first parts (outside the abject humor), THAT seemed unrealistic to me. But then, I’ve been told I have really odd taste in movies, so perhaps my opinion would not be very helpful in that department…
Ellie: It’s never too late to join the Jon Pander fan club. Ever. Ever.
(PS pander, i’ve been recruiting for you… lol… you’ve got fans that don’t even read bobby’s comics… not sure how I pulled that off, but you’re just that awesome.)
Allie: Bobby is honest. He always says he never sticks to deadlines.
February 17th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
PPS… 135 woot…
February 17th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Is there an initiation ritual I have to go through to gain access to the club?
February 17th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
Judas: “And don’t worry Bobby, I understand that our government is diligently working on the internet ‘bitch slap’ feature, wherein all a moderator must do is press a button and your displeasure shall be manifest via a smack upside the offender’s head.”
Do a Google search for the name of your feature, throw in “IP address”, and you should get an idea of what’s already out there.
For all the people that complain about Bobby, it’s really a shame he is so nice. A little slip of personal info about someone who’s a real jerk, and his real fans would finish them off.
February 17th, 2009 at 6:22 pm
I don’t have any fans. Jon Pander has the fans.
February 17th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
lol Bobby, how do you think Jon Pander finds his fans? He just converts yours.
Ellie: Not really… Though there’s this little shower session thing, but we’re still working out the details… Also, if you declare Pander your hero, you get pie!
February 17th, 2009 at 7:45 pm
Um…well…*scratches back of head* I already took a shower today, so maybe I’ll hold off delaying right now…*coughs and slowly backs away* >_> <_<
February 17th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
wait. Hold of delaying? Wow I need sleep XD Hold of joining.
February 17th, 2009 at 9:02 pm
Bobby: “I don’t have any fans. Jon Pander has the fans.”
lol. Does that mean I’m your #1 fan, literally and figuratively?
Plus, I’m not sure I’d want to be Jon Pander’s fan (no offense). I like men, and the thought of other women in an intimate setting is a big turn off. I’m more of a bath than a shower girl, and the more bubbles, the better. I do like pie, but I love cheesecake. So, it’s not really the best match.
February 17th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
Courtney: so when is the next group shower session??
I really need to stop reading these comments till the next comic is posted -.- being straight but open to trying new things, I’ve been finding myself actually wanting to try a group shower with other girls XD
Jon Pander: do you have the power to use hypnosis over the internet?? I think you do.
February 17th, 2009 at 11:51 pm
why’s he in a suit
February 18th, 2009 at 12:35 am
Sydney Says: “I f**king love you Jon Pander.”
You have excellent taste, harem girl #31.
At least I hope you’re a girl. The name Sydney can go either way.
“dear lord I can’t spell. Late-ness. Of course many are whining about other things, but that one urks me the most.”
Since we’re doing spellcheck, technically it’s ‘irks.’ But if you’re hot, I forgive you and you can spell it any way you want.
Speedy101: “And I felt compelled by his awesomness to say Jon Pander – there are no words to truly some up your awesomeness.”
Linguists have been working on a word which does, in fact, sum up my awesomeness. Unfortunately it can only be pronounced by a coven of vampire lesbians in a shower orgy.
Please let me discover that word.
“MM comments would be missing that something great without you.”
Little known fact – originally the name of the webcomic was “How To Get Worshippers For Jon Pander” but at the last minute, Bobby decided that Marry Me was both more plot-appropriate and that MM was an easier acronym than HTGWFJP.
I dunno – I think the latter rolls off the tongue. Oh well.
“And in finishing – this page’s comments – Rowr!”
(tm)
rampantsanity: “… o O (so does his mean i’m the arch nemesis of crazyeval?)”
We must all do our part to combat crazyeval. He’s like Cobra Commander, but without the cool helmet.
Yo Joe.
Jons: “Jesus, Pander, you’re into yourself. Don’t you have a job or something?”
1) It’s not my fault that I’m so into me. Everyone else is into me and I’m just trying to fit in. Don’t blame me – blame peer pressure.
2) It’s Jon Pander, not Jesus Pander. People make that mistake quite often because of the throngs of worshippers both have. To make sure you realize the difference, the former had 12 disciples – old men in robes. The latter has 12 hot open minded bisexual vampire babes, dress optional.
depre: “Yes. I am a woman.”
Rowr.
“I am an awesomely hot”
rowr.
“gothic”
rowr
“bi-sexual”
rowr
“open minded”
rowr
“European”
rowr
“20yo”
rowr
“chick.”
rowr.
And I still love you for your awesomeness and awesome comments. Sry, no Valentine’s cards for you, ’cause that’s not awesome at all ;P”
What if it features a lewd picture of you dressed in something minimal? Would that be more awesome?
Anon: “I’m sure all these fans can come up with plenty of ideas for you to consider.”
I think if I came up with an idea and sent it to Bobby, he’d wind up putting out a restraining order against me.
“His comic No Pink Ponies is quite entertaining, and similar in style to Marry Me.”
Probably has nothing at all to do with the fact that Eisu is the artist for both comics. Nothing at all. Just a coincidence.
Ellie: “Hm. I wonder if it’s too late to join the Jon Pander fanclub…:D”
Applications are still open. Please include measurements and level of open-mindedness regarding shower orgies in the application.
Sara: “So quit your bitchin’ and do what the rest of us do; go away for a week, come back see if there is an update – lather, rinse, repeat.”
Thank you for the shower analogy. You get pie.
“On a side note – Jon I will not join your harem of women.”
Gimme back that pie. You don’t get pie!
“However if I can wear a dominatrix outfit and deal with security for your fan club, maybe we can work something out.”
Okay fine – you get pie again.
“Oh…and I better get a whip.”
You scare me. Have two pies.
Hayden Chase: “So I’ve been thinking about the whole Lesbian vampire shower make out scene.”
This is good.
” And I was curious if the shower heads were those ones that were the hoses and were moveable.”
Of course they are.
“or take away from the hotness level for you equation.”
There’s a complex reason why that will not factor into the hotness level, though there is a corollary regarding pulsating showerheads.
“You know just tryingto help cover all the variables if you haven’t already thought of that.”
I have already thought of it.
“and if its already been covered sorry. D:”
It’s okay. A for effort. You get pie.
CC: “Wow somebody turned the crazy up in here.”
I plead the fifth.
“The fact that it screws with the male brain is a bonus.”
I knew it!
Courtney: ” It’s never too late to join the Jon Pander fan club. Ever. Ever.”
First 100 applicants get a free T-shirt. It’s a wet T-shirt, but it’s free and that’s what matters.
“(PS pander, i’ve been recruiting for you… lol… you’ve got fans that don’t even read bobby’s comics… not sure how I pulled that off, but you’re just that awesome.)”
You get front row in the shower and can be Harem girl #1.
Ellies: “Is there an initiation ritual I have to go through to gain access to the club?”
Wet T-shirt contest. Afterwards I teach you the secret handshake. It does not involve hands.
Bobby: “I don’t have any fans. Jon Pander has the fans.”
I’m your fan Bobby. And so my fans are yours by proxy.
It all works out in the end.
Courtney: “lol Bobby, how do you think Jon Pander finds his fans? He just converts yours.”
I’m like catholicism, except with talk of vampire bisexual/lesbian shower orgies.
Ellie: “I already took a shower today, so maybe I’ll hold off delaying right now…*coughs and slowly backs away*”
What, you don’t like pie or somethin’? Wierrrrd.
Jen: “lol. Does that mean I’m your #1 fan, literally and figuratively?”
No, I’m his #1 fan. You’re all his fan by proxy. I already explained this. I can make diagrams if you want.
It’s complicated.
“Plus, I’m not sure I’d want to be Jon Pander’s fan”
You get no pie!
“(no offense).”
I’m offended. In fact I’m so offended you owe me pie.
“I like men, and the thought of other women in an intimate setting is a big turn off.”
Fine, you can just be in the shower by yourself for me for when I need a break from the bi-sexual shower orgy.
“I’m more of a bath than a shower girl, and the more bubbles, the better.”
Fine. I can handle that too.
“I do like pie, but I love cheesecake.”
Stop being heretical. I’ll make a compromise, you can have a cheesecake pose while you’re in the bubble bath.
CI: “being straight but open to trying new things, I’ve been finding myself actually wanting to try a group shower with other girls”
I’m very happy to be able to open you up to new ideas. Long live the internet.
“Jon Pander: do you have the power to use hypnosis over the internet?? I think you do.”
These are not the droids you are looking for. *waves hand*
Don: “why’s he in a suit.”
It’s a rule. Nerds must always be in a suit at least once during any potential movie. It’s been that way ever since Revenge of the Nerds.
Duh.
February 18th, 2009 at 2:27 am
Yay two pies, now find me a harem boy to eat them off of.
February 18th, 2009 at 3:59 am
Wrote Page 5 finally.
February 18th, 2009 at 5:39 am
Stupid people make me laugh. Really? Your life is so pathetic that you wander around yelling at other people for the choices they make, which are their right to make and over which you have NO control and NO right to say anything? Really? roflol. Stupid people.
Way to go, Bobby! I knew you’d get to it when you could.
JP, I’m sorry to inform you that I do not qualify for membership in your harem. I am rather awesome, but I’m just not hot. It’s something I’ve come to terms with, and I’ve accepted myself for who I am and how I’m made. I will continue to snipe…er, comment from the sidelines, however. Be warned.
February 18th, 2009 at 10:03 am
OMG, Pander, I love you, and I love pie, but I love cheesecake more… so maybe you should just open a whole pastry shop or something?
(oh… wow… mental images of lesbians in the kitchen… involving no clothes and lots of flour/assorted other baking supplies and tools…)
February 18th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
gotta love the comic
gotta love jon and his cult
gotta hate the people that complain. if something is free dont complain about how its not updated alot. Find something else to do with your time(like research the lesbian/vampire phenomenom), or find more comics to read.
Oh and if the writer answers your question once, don’t ask it again.
but hey its the idiotnet.
On another note, can’t wait for the new update. whoop
February 18th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
awww I haven’t earned my pie yet….hmmm…Jon Pander, if I go find another hot girl to make out within the next hour, may I have pie and a position in your harem??
February 18th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
str: “JP, I’m sorry to inform you that I do not qualify for membership in your harem.”
Understandable. You can just be one of the recruiters for the hotties. Seek them out for me.
“I am rather awesome, but I’m just not hot.”
Just so you know, on the internet anyone can be hot. Don’t spoil the illusion. Honesty and the internet do not mix.
Courtney: “OMG, Pander, I love you, and I love pie, but I love cheesecake more… so maybe you should just open a whole pastry shop or something?”
I am a man who is willing to accept new ideas. pastry shop full of hot girls with a large shower idea has been granted.
“(oh… wow… mental images of lesbians in the kitchen… involving no clothes and lots of flour/assorted other baking supplies and tools…)”
If only the Food Network would buy my idea for a new show.
Bobby: “Wrote Page 5 finally.”
You shouldnt have let people know – now there are going to be a bunch of comments by dumb people if the time between your comment and the actual comic is more than a few hours.
All the comments about naked lesbian/bi vampire babes won’t prevent that prediction, I’m afraid.
February 18th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
CI: “awww I haven’t earned my pie yet….hmmm…Jon Pander, if I go find another hot girl to make out within the next hour, may I have pie and a position in your harem??”
Yes. Yes you may, Harem Girl #46. And for just saying that, you get a down-payment – have a slice.
February 18th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
“Applications are still open. Please include measurements and level of open-mindedness regarding shower orgies in the application.”
Well, if it’s just an application, I may still join…But it depends upon who’s involved in the shower orgies. And I look forward to your secret handshake. =]
February 18th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
Y’know, Jon, the lesbians in the kitchen should at least wear aprons, for safety/sanitary reasons. And aprons are sexy.
February 18th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
Yes I’m a girl.. woman… whatever. Not a boy! though many many letters addressed to “Mr Sydney- blah”
Courtney: Mmm… cheesecake covered lesbians. I’m so there.
… haha Jon Pander, In the kitchen, with the cooking baster . Damn you Clue!!
February 18th, 2009 at 11:04 pm
Ellie: “Well, if it’s just an application, I may still join”
We have another convert!
“But it depends upon who’s involved in the shower orgies.”
Typical orgy stuff.
default: “Y’know, Jon, the lesbians in the kitchen should at least wear aprons, for safety/sanitary reasons. And aprons are sexy.”
I totally agree and I am humbled by your inherent wisdom.
Sydney: “Yes I’m a girl.. woman… whatever. Not a boy!”
You’re in. With pie. Or cheesecake. Or both.
“though many many letters addressed to “Mr Sydney- blahâ€
Sorry, I’ll stop sending those letters.
“Mmm… cheesecake covered lesbians. I’m so there.”
As are we all Sidney. As are we all.
“Jon Pander, In the kitchen, with the cooking baster . Damn you Clue!!”
I would have so enjoyed that game more if what you just said was an option.
February 19th, 2009 at 12:43 am
“You’re in. With pie. Or cheesecake. Or both.”
No pie! Only if it’s a giant chocolate pie, and sexy people were wrestling in it. … Naked. .. Well at least good looking swimsuits. >.>
February 19th, 2009 at 7:21 am
to hayden chase and Pander: the pulsating, removable showerheads in fact DO factor into the equation. if you rememebr, i have the variable for showerheads.
Pander: hmm… respect, eh? does this mean we are on equal footing, or that i am slightly above everyone else (excepting the harem, of course) and still less than you? i must know!!
February 19th, 2009 at 8:39 am
Jon Pander: No lewd pictures, I may be into you, but… I want cheesecake. Or pie. Or both. My awesome hotness demands it.
First things first. Cake. Then I’ll consider lewd pictures or joining the shower orgy.
February 19th, 2009 at 9:15 am
Jon Pander Says: “No, I’m his #1 fan. You’re all his fan by proxy. I already explained this. I can make diagrams if you want. It’s complicated.”
I thought it made sense, until Bobby’s comment: “I don’t have any fans. Jon Pander has the fans.” If you have said you are Bobby’s #1 fan, and then Bobby says he doesn’t have any fans, doesn’t that reset the numbers and open the opportunity for someone else to claim what was your position? There are worse ways to extrapolate his comment to prove my point, but let’s go with the innocent one.
“You get no pie!”
That’s fine. I make a wicked cheesecake.
“I’m offended. In fact I’m so offended you owe me pie.”
Since I meant no offense, I’ll make you a pie. You get apple. Apples are cheap.
“Stop being heretical. I’ll make a compromise, you can have a cheesecake pose while you’re in the bubble bath.”
If I already eat cheesecake in my bubble bath, how is that a compromise? The only person that would benefit is you.
Maybe I should get my own set of followers. You have the ones who like lesbians in showers with pie, and I’ll lure the stragglers over to my side with cheesecake.
I do make a wicked cheesecake after all.
February 19th, 2009 at 10:35 am
naked bakery, huh? sounds fun, but I think I’ll stick with the shower for now…as much as I love baking/cooking I’ve been there/done that and we’ll just say that painful and embarrassing things can happen -.- so be careful, girls!!
February 19th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
“You’re in. With pie. Or cheesecake. Or both.â€
Wait wait wait. I have to go through an initiation ritual of a wet T-Shirt contest and she gets in just by saying she’s a women? I smell favoritism…
February 19th, 2009 at 11:25 pm
Never have I wished for a larger shower with multiple heads than I do right now. Apartment showers are just not big enough. And they tend to frown on knocking holes in the wall and re-routing pipes…
And I got pie just for creating irony based on my name, so I think it’s more just randomness than favoritism. Best way to make one’s way through life is with chaos and uncertainty. But then I take perverse pleasure in waking up in the morning and asking “how am I going to get screwed today?”
I could only wish it happened as viewed through Jon’s bi-sexual vampire shower glasses.
February 19th, 2009 at 11:33 pm
Which begs the question, does this shower you envision have doors? Because interesting things can be done against glass doors. the downside being glass tends to fog over, obscuring the view. Though fogged doors are still better than curtains. Unless you’re in a horror movie. then curtains are the way to go. Don’t really wanna see what’s coming then.
Maybe you could just install glass dividers with waterjets along the top. This way the glass would not be able to fog over and you would still be able to get all the interesting aspects of having windows in the shower.
Wow…
I really need to get some sleep..
February 19th, 2009 at 11:49 pm
Sydney: “Only if it’s a giant chocolate pie, and sexy people were wrestling in it. … Naked. .. Well at least good looking swimsuits.”
Statements like this only move you higher in the ranks of my shower harem.
Ephialtes: “the pulsating, removable showerheads in fact DO factor into the equation.
Indeed they do.
“hmm… respect, eh? does this mean we are on equal footing,”
Of course not.
“or that i am slightly above everyone else (excepting the harem, of course) and still less than you?”
You’re somewhere in that area, though since you are a dude, you do not get the same perks that the harem gets. But you’re still a major player in the Church of Jon Pander
Ellie: “Wait wait wait. I have to go through an initiation ritual of a wet T-Shirt contest and she gets in just by saying she’s a women?”
Ellie, dear sweet Ellie, you have no idea of the depraved initiation rituals that I had her go through before it culminated in that statement on the comments forum. A wet T-shirt contest is like a church picnic in comparison. I would say more but there may be children reading this webcomic.
Judas: “And they tend to frown on knocking holes in the wall and re-routing pipes…”
That would explain the angry yells from my neighbors and the guy who keeps trying to serve me with a subpoena.
“And I got pie just for creating irony based on my name, so I think it’s more just randomness than favoritism.”
I am nothing if not consistent in my inconsistency.
“Best way to make one’s way through life is with chaos and uncertainty.”
I rarely wake up knowing what i’m going to do in the next 5 minutes, let alone the next day.
“But then I take perverse pleasure in waking up in the morning and asking “how am I going to get screwed today?†”
I enjoy perversity and all the pleasure it involves, yes.
“I could only wish it happened as viewed through Jon’s bi-sexual vampire shower glasses.”
As do most people, I’m sure. I consider myself blessed.
” Wow… I really need to get some sleep..”
Yeah dude, you’re just talking crazy talk now!
February 19th, 2009 at 11:53 pm
depre: “No lewd pictures,”
Tease.
“I may be into you,”
rowr.
“but… I want cheesecake. Or pie. Or both. My awesome hotness demands it.”
Okay, but only cause your description lets my mind create all sorts of perverse possibilities.
“Cake. Then I’ll consider lewd pictures or joining the shower orgy.”
You heard her people! This is a contract! Enforceable in any court in the land, I’m sure!
CI: “naked bakery, huh? sounds fun, but I think I’ll stick with the shower for now…”
We can always try to combine the two.
“as much as I love baking/cooking I’ve been there/done that and we’ll just say that painful and embarrassing things can happen”
Storytime. I must know. Now. Tell!
“so be careful, girls!!”
Carefulness is for lamers. Be daring, girls! Do things that are illegal in at least 11 states!
February 20th, 2009 at 2:12 am
Jon Pander wants storytime…and because I love him I’ll give him what he wants. with all the talk of nakedness and lesbian shower orgies, I’m gonna assume this is okay to tell since it’s mainly about my clumsiness.
I was baking many many cookies for a family function, and I was topless as I alluded to earlier because I’m a borderline exhibitionist and well…why not? so I had just taken a couple of trays of cookies out of the oven and set them on the counter to cool but I needed the sugar from the cabinet above that counter. soooo I stood on my tip-toes and braced one hand against the side of the cabinet to try and get the sugar. but me and all of my gracefulness slipped and fell on top of the very hot cookie pans. I had burns on my upper stomach and the bottoms of my breasts, but luckily my neighbor was a nurse and assured me that it wasn’t bad enough to need to go to the hospital….she also had a great big laugh at my expense later. but no worries! there wasn’t any permanent scarring and I’m better now ^_^
hope you enjoyed your story, Jon! and I hope everyone else learns from my mistakes!!
February 20th, 2009 at 8:25 am
Dude, mathematical equations and sex? I’m in psychology, I don’t do math! I’m no good to anyone asleep! And in the shower I might drown.
CI, your story made me sad for your boobs but also reminded me:
If I join Pander’s cult, can I have cookies instead? I thought the Dark Side had cookies. And I don’t like pie. :/
But Boo, I’ll take your cheesecake too. >:D
Oh, and it’s totally true, I was Crosby’s fan but was converted to Pander… but I’ll quickly convert to any one of you ladies’ fan clubs with the right incentive.
February 20th, 2009 at 10:17 am
Jon Pander: Are you really still worried about the children? (having Brave New World flashbacks now…)
Boo-Jenn… I love cheesecake… and now I seem to be at an impasse… Cheesecake… Pander… Cheesecake… Pander… I’m sorry, Boo, but I’ll have to go with Pander. Especially if he follows through with the bakery thing. (although CI’s story kinda frightened me, so maybe can I just watch instead of participating for the bakery scene?)
Marzipan: You have given me the sudden urge to compete for your affections… which is odd, as I’ve never before desired a following… but I can certainly promise cookies! And Jello, I’ve got jello<3
Though I’m open to either possibility, I would like to know your gender before promising any more. Your name is kinda… not helpful.
Bobby: Do you get a kick out of reading our… Panderness? (Yes, Jon Pander, you have now evolved into a noun)
Panderness: A combination of random snarkiness and obsessions with lesbians and pie. Also, the ability to function without being aware of the flow of time, and so thereby capable of never planning, and yet still developing a master plan.
Synonyms: godliness, holiness, awesomeness, randomness, amazing…ness… You get the picture.
February 20th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Jon Pander: sorry, I think my story has some of your possible bakers shying away from the idea now…
February 20th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
“Ellie, dear sweet Ellie, you have no idea of the depraved initiation rituals that I had her go through before it culminated in that statement on the comments forum. A wet T-shirt contest is like a church picnic in comparison. I would say more but there may be children reading this webcomic.”
And where was your consideration for the children when the lesbian vampire talk first began? xD
February 20th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Jon Pander: Tee -hee! Of course. But only if I get the cake. Be open-minded, my dearest, and let your imagination create perverted possibilities as much as it wants (hmm… Quote:”Be daring! Do things that are illegal in at least 11 states!)
Ellie: Children should be aware of vampire lesbians, ya know. If I knew that sooner I’d let a lesbian bite me! but, too late now… *sob*
February 20th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
“Ellie: Children should be aware of vampire lesbians, ya know. If I knew that sooner I’d let a lesbian bite me! but, too late now… *sob*”
*pat pat* Don’t worry. You’ll get your chance someday
Ah, crap. I just remembered something. Is being turned into a vampire part of joining the Jon Pander fan club/harem? Because I kind of already promised someone they could turn me so they could have eternal slave rights…
February 20th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
Marzipan Says: “But Boo, I’ll take your cheesecake too. >:D”
I guess if you’re taking it, I don’t really have a say in the matter, do I?
Courtney Says: “I’m sorry, Boo, but I’ll have to go with Pander.”
I’m flattered you would even consider (given your interest in lesbian shower sessions), so I’ll make you a special cheesecake, just for you. ^.^
February 20th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
CI: “I was baking many many cookies for a family function, and I was topless”
rowr
“as I alluded to earlier because I’m a borderline exhibitionist”
rowr
“and well…why not?”
Good reason – I see no flaws in that.
“soooo I stood on my tip-toes and braced one hand against the side of the cabinet to try and get the sugar.”
Visual image. Happiness ensues! Reach! Reach, topless harem girl!
“but me and all of my gracefulness slipped and fell on top of the very hot cookie pans. I had burns on my upper stomach and the bottoms of my breasts”
I guess the moral of the story is to wear an asbestos bikini top if you’re a clumsy hot girl who bakes cookies topless.
“but luckily my neighbor was a nurse”
As in ‘hellooooo nurse!” ?
“and assured me that it wasn’t bad enough to need to go to the hospital….she also had a great big laugh at my expense later. but no worries! there wasn’t any permanent scarring and I’m better now”
No making out occured between nurse and topless baker-ess. I’m sad.
“hope you enjoyed your story, Jon! and I hope everyone else learns from my mistakes!!”
I did except for the lack of making out between you and the nurse.
Marzipan: “Dude, mathematical equations and sex?”
Sex is all about multiplication.
“I’m in psychology, I don’t do math!”
It’s easy to factor lesbians into math. Men have such a different reaction to lesbians than women have to men (with the exception of yaio which I already know is just to mess with our brains) because when a man sees two lesbians, he thinks of the mathematical fact 2>1.
“If I join Pander’s cult, can I have cookies instead? I thought the Dark Side had cookies. And I don’t like pie. :/”
I wonder if L Ron Hubbard had followers with this fixation over different types of baked goods….
“Oh, and it’s totally true, I was Crosby’s fan but was converted to Pander… but I’ll quickly convert to any one of you ladies’ fan clubs with the right incentive. ”
But since the ladies are my devoted followers, you will still ultimately have to belong to me.
Courtney: “Are you really still worried about the children? (having Brave New World flashbacks now…)”
Naaaaaaaah.
“I love cheesecake… and now I seem to be at an impasse… Cheesecake… Pander… Cheesecake… Pander… I’m sorry, Boo, but I’ll have to go with Pander. Especially if he follows through with the bakery thing.”
I combine the two. It’s like Reeses peanut butter cups. Two great tastes which taste great together.
“Marzipan: You have given me the sudden urge to compete for your affections… which is odd, as I’ve never before desired a following… but I can certainly promise cookies!”
I can offer hot naked lesbian vampire shower orgy action though. I win.
“And Jello, I’ve got jello<3″
As can I? It just gets washed off during the shower orgy.
Besides Courtney, you’re supposed to be my follower and harem girl already.
“Though I’m open to either possibility, I would like to know your gender before promising any more. Your name is kinda… not helpful.”
I looked up marzipan on wikipedia. It’s some sort of sweet made from fruit and bitter almonds. Oh I also got this photo.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Marzipanclose.jpg
Seems awfully phallic.
And of course the following sentence from wikipedia – In Germany it is common to give marzipan in the shape of a pig as new year presents, known as a “Glückschwein”.
I don’t really think this helps figure out Marzipan’s gender – I just wanted a reason to write out the word “Glückschwein”.
Bobby: Do you get a kick out of reading our… Panderness? (Yes, Jon Pander, you have now evolved into a noun)
Panderness: A combination of random snarkiness and obsessions with lesbians and pie. Also, the ability to function without being aware of the flow of time, and so thereby capable of never planning, and yet still developing a master plan.
Synonyms: godliness, holiness, awesomeness, randomness, amazing…ness… You get the picture.
Bobby: Do you get a kick out of reading our… Panderness? (Yes, Jon Pander, you have now evolved into a noun)”
I think that’s more like a pronoun. I’m a very professional noun.
Much better than the verb.
CI: “sorry, I think my story has some of your possible bakers shying away from the idea now…”
They can stay in the shower then. I’ll have separate sects for my shower orgy followers, my kitchen orgy followers, and of course my multi-sect followers who are willing to combine the two.
Ellie: “And where was your consideration for the children when the lesbian vampire talk first began?”
I am nothing if not consistent in my inconsistency. Put on your T shirt while I get the hose.
Depre: “But only if I get the cake.”
It’s yours. By the way, put on this T-shirt – don’t mind the hose.
“let your imagination create perverted possibilities as much as it wants”
‘S’how I live my life, babe.
“Children should be aware of vampire lesbians, ya know. If I knew that sooner I’d let a lesbian bite me! but, too late now… *sob*”
They need to make one of those NBC ‘The more you know’ shorts about that.
“Is being turned into a vampire part of joining the Jon Pander fan club/harem?”
It’s not mandatory, just preferred. Now put on the dang T-shirt.
“Because I kind of already promised someone they could turn me so they could have eternal slave rights…”
Less talky, more T-shirt putting on-ny. Got the hose and camera all ready.
Oh and if the someone you promised yourself to is a lesbian vampire already, that’s fine. I offer bonus points for bringing additional lesbian/bi-curious vampiress members into the shower.
February 20th, 2009 at 8:07 pm
Hola. Bobby, just wanted to say, love your work. Please work at your own pace. Being a writer myself (not of webcomics unfortunately though, lol) I totally understand where you’re coming from. Don’t listen to the retards who bitch and whine about the update schedule, I certainly appreciate when the new comic comes out, and understand when it doesn’t.
February 20th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
*looks at the shirt* Eeeh…I’m not so sure about this now. xD
And no, it’s not a lesbian vampire. It’s a guy. A straight guy, I should add.
February 20th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
I want in on the Jon Pander fan club! I totally qualify as a hot asian chick, and I have the pictures to prove it. Are the wet teeshirts still up for grabs?
February 20th, 2009 at 10:07 pm
I’ve been bummed MM hasn’t updated in a week or two but I figure Bobby has a reason for not updating and maybe next week, and since there’s far more to my life than reading webcomics I don’t consider it worth getting worked up over, especially not to the point of flipping my lid and accusing Bobby of giving the finger to online readers because he supposedly is getting mad rich off movie deals and generally being an irresponsible jackass. Me, my first assumption was that either he or Eisu had gotten sick or something was going on to prevent an update. They do have lives beyond the comics, after all.
Bobby, thanks for the explanation about why our ‘fix’ is late. Glad everyone’s okay. Maybe next week. Dreamless is definitely more important to publish on time right now, and you and Sarah are doing a fabulous job.
February 20th, 2009 at 10:38 pm
beenreadinthiscomicawhile:
Wow, I guess from your name that you’ve been reading this comic for a while. Don’t ask how I knew that – I’m psychic.
“Don’t listen to the retards who bitch and whine about the update schedule”
I love when Bobby listens to those retards, man! Because then I get to watch him ridicule them and make them cry. JOY!
Ellie: “*looks at the shirt* Eeeh…I’m not so sure about this now.”
Come to the dark side, you know you want to. Everyone’s doin’ it. It’s the cool thing to do. Don’t be a square.
“And no, it’s not a lesbian vampire. It’s a guy. A straight guy, I should add.”
Does he know that you have an adversion to wet T-shirt contests? I’m sure you’ll make him happy if you embrace your wild side. Join us.
Liari: “I want in on the Jon Pander fan club!”
Here’s your application.
“I totally qualify as a hot asian chick,”
rowr.
“and I have the pictures to prove it.”
*throws away the application* Gimme the pics!
Dear Penthouse…..
“Are the wet teeshirts still up for grabs?”
Yep – and got the hose all ready.
February 21st, 2009 at 12:16 am
Jon Pander: “I did except for the lack of making out between you and the nurse.”
I don’t want you to be sad, so if this image comforts you my nurse neighbor did help me apply some handy-dandy burn ointment so there was much touching. so if you want to dream up a Florence Nightingale Syndrome scenario I won’t stand in your way ^_^
February 21st, 2009 at 12:51 am
Courtney: Ooh, I love Jello!! Especially wrestling in it.
And of course I’m a girl, how many guys do you know would call themselves Marzipan? I’m bisexual too, not lesbian. I know, it’s only half as cool. :/
“Panderness: A combination of random snarkiness and obsessions with lesbians and pie. Also, the ability to function without being aware of the flow of time, and so thereby capable of never planning, and yet still developing a master plan.”
At the very least, we should write an Ambrose Pierce-style dictionary together. That was the awesome.
Pander, way to reference Animaniacs. I have major childhood nostalgia for them. Why can’t modern cartoons be so cool?
Hot lesbian vampire shower orgies are cool and all, but I don’t have to share quite so much with one of the girls. You’ve got quite a following now and I hate being lost in the crowd.
Glückschwein– very cool word. Like most things, marzipan is much better when dipped in chocolate, though. However, the reason I chose a phallic-shaped candy is because I like to stick it IN MY MOUTH. Oh yeah. (Plus it’s kinda close to my real name and more convenient to say than my other high school nickname, Mauritania.)
I can do 2>1. I don’t want to even THINK about multiplication. *grabs more condoms*
CI: AWESOME. And way to flaunt the exhibitionism. I like walking around my apartment naked, but I have to put a shirt on when I cook. I’m paranoid. Somehow I doubt the touch-feely is worth the pain and burn scars.
February 21st, 2009 at 1:25 am
CI: “I don’t want you to be sad, so if this image comforts you my nurse neighbor did help me apply some handy-dandy burn ointment so there was much touching”
Yes. Yes it does comfort me indeed.
Marzipan: “Ooh, I love Jello!! Especially wrestling in it.”
rowr
“And of course I’m a girl, how many guys do you know would call themselves Marzipan?”
Well… the picture in wikipedia looked sorta phallic so I can understand the confusion. But all is forgiven!
“I’m bisexual too, not lesbian. I know, it’s only half as cool. :/”
Nonsense, that is quite cool as long as I’m the man involved in the lesbian or bisexual orgy.
“Pander, way to reference Animaniacs. I have major childhood nostalgia for them.”
If it will help seal the deal with the shower orgy and you being one of my personal harem girls, I’d like to let you know that I am zany to the max. So sit back and relax. You’ll laugh til you collapse (though the collapsing may instead be from x-rated exhaustion rather than my sense of humor)
We’re animan-ey
Totally insane-y
X-rated conversan-ey
Animaniacs. And those are the facts.
“Why can’t modern cartoons be so cool?”
One word explaining why modern cartoons are not cool – pokemon.
“Hot lesbian vampire shower orgies are cool and all, but I don’t have to share quite so much with one of the girls. You’ve got quite a following now and I hate being lost in the crowd.”
I pride myself on personal attention to each of my harem girls. You will not be lost in the my crowd. So long as you are hot and sex-ay, of course.
“Glückschwein– very cool word.”
Ain’t it?
Here’s another funny German word – Warmduscher
Seriously, it’s a real word. It means, and I kid you not, a ’significant other’ who likes to shower with warm water only. It’s also a synonym for ‘wimp’. I guess that apparently wimps don’t like to take cold showers.
I wish I was making this up.
“Like most things, marzipan is much better when dipped in chocolate, though.”
rowr.
“However, the reason I chose a phallic-shaped candy is because I like to stick it IN MY MOUTH. Oh yeah.”
oh god rowr.
February 21st, 2009 at 1:37 am
Remember way back when the comments forum was about that… webcomic thing?
So I feel I should remark on a webcomic comment…
Zahooee: “The big question is, what happens after Mom leaves?”
Spoiler: Pam wakes up from the dream sequence to find Bobby in the shower.
Alternate spoiler: Dick Newhart wakes up in bed and tells his wife about how he, as a inn keeper in Vermont, read this zany webcomic called Marry Me.
Alternate Alternate spoiler: I wake up in a shower with lots of lesbian and bisexual hot exhibitionist babes all worshipping me. Pie and cheesecake is somehow involved.
I like the third prediction best.
dangit, they’re right, panderness does mean you have a fixation on that sort of thing.
February 21st, 2009 at 7:01 am
Here’s another one
Panderosity
Noun
One’s obsession with lesbians, vampires, baked goods, showers, or any aesthetically pleasing combination of any of the above.
February 21st, 2009 at 11:37 am
I would offer you the pictures if I knew how, though I must tell you I am clothed in them. Sorry.
Also, on the subject of the webcomic, (2) oddball children + (1) quirky Parker + babysittingtime^n = ZANY ANTICS. Everyone knows this. I still want to take a hose to Daisy’s face to see what she looks like under the makeup, though.
To Marzipan- I agree, I usually have to have at least a top on to cook or bake, mostly ’cause I don’t want burns or anything in odd places. Pants are optional.
February 21st, 2009 at 2:38 pm
*sigh* Well, I’d hate to be the odd one out…I guess I’ll have to tell my friend what’s going on so he’s aware of my…activities.
February 21st, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Liari: Pants are ALWAYS optional.
I thought at first you wrote that you liked to be on top while cooking, which took my mind all sorts of interesting places before I reread it. 
I like your alternate alternate spoiler, though.
Pander: Is it weird that my favorite part of that song was always Bill Clinton playing the sax? When he was running against Dole my big concern was that if he didn’t win then they’d have to take that part out of the song.
Way to poorly rewrite the song so it’ll fit our current line of conversation.
Webcomic? What webcomic? I’m WAS waiting patiently and passing time commenting to rad people to start with, and now I’ve almost forgotten what I came on for in the first place.
And if I can get your personal shower attention, I’ll be happy to be your Warmduscher– in a strictly non-wimpy way, of course.
February 21st, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Hmm, interesting idea…shall have to pursue later. Need to work out exactly how that could happen first, and what dish could be made in the process. Bwahah. I’m only a dirty girl if I don’t shower after, right?
February 21st, 2009 at 11:05 pm
Just… woah, man.
I gotta say, I visit this comic every Friday, and if I don’t see an update, I nod and say, “Alright, maybe life? Maybe something else. Marry Me will update when it updates.” I generally don’t check the comments, but I thought maybe Bobby might mention something about the next update. I see someone freaking out over no updates for… whut the past two weeks?
Dude, grow up, it’s a comic. Read another one while you wait. Or, you know, get a life.
Comic-wise… I’m just a tad curious to where Guy is. But I’m sure he’ll pop up soon
March 10th, 2009 at 6:46 am
o.O The things I miss when I’m without internet for awhile…
March 31st, 2009 at 1:14 am
omg i started readin this comic last night and i love it i`m gunna stat checing it weekly coz buy the looks of things not much been posted buh ya cant just sit around w8in for a comic to update
March 31st, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Man, I just got through reading this comic in about 3/4 days, and I gotta say that it’s one of the best I’ve ever read! I can’t wait for more.
November 18th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
other characters are being weirder than Parker. thats…… not supposed to happen….
love her charges so far. reconsidering my previous assumption, that parker would be babysitting guy. are these guy’s sister’s kids then?
jonah and donald are awesome. and even more than donald carrying jonah, donald’s also wearing a full suit. very curious.
so i wonder how she’ll meet guy? if these are his sisters kids, he would be too old to be babysat. i am totally confused.